Happy Sad Father's Day
I seriously dread father's day because it is one of the worst holidays for me. This wave of depression would punch me in the stomach causing me to be numb and fatigued to the point I can barely do anything.
To be honest I rarely talk about my hmmmm I guess I feel more comfortable saying "father" and it's very awkward when people ask me questions about him. The truth is I don't know a lot about my father. I learned stories through other people and always felt others knew him more than me 💔. My mom raised me and she will always be like a mother/ father figure to me.
My father was diagnosed with schizophrenia and that is one of the main reasons why he's not in my life and that completely broke my heart 💔. I love my father and I understand why he is not in my life. I am still grieving not having the experience knowing what a #girldad feels like. That is one of the reasons I go hard when it comes to mental illness because it has affected my life in many ways.
What gave me great joy was when I heard my father say I love you to me for the first time last year and my heart was overjoyed. I couldn't understand why I couldn't stop crying but it did something on the inside of me. One day soon I will go to Haiti to help others like my father who are not getting the mental health treatment they need. This is why I created a fundraising fashion show. Each fashion show that Rip The Stigma does is dedicated to my father and many others like him. I can't wait to share more details about our upcoming fashion show.
I told myself enough with sadness and that I would try to celebrate Father's Day by being thankful my father is still alive and for having a dad named Jesus that is always with me. It's been a few years since I’ve begun to celebrate my father and all the father figures in my life Father's Day. I make sure I eat my favorite foods, create a FB post and surround myself around positive people.
I may be emotional on Father's Day but I feel less depressed because I stop fighting with the truth. The truth is I may not have a relationship I dream of... but I have one and I am learning to improvise.